


Through Blue Sparkling Eyes

by Zeryce



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Evak - Freeform, Even's POV, M/M, POV Even Bech Næsheim, Season 3, True Love, worshipping
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-15
Updated: 2019-09-06
Packaged: 2020-09-01 03:16:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 16,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20251258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zeryce/pseuds/Zeryce
Summary: (Even's POV)Inspired by SKAM clips.The one thing I share with the "Evens" is their fascination for the "Isaks"I have found myself wondering what Even or any of the parallel Evens felt, so this is me, pouring my thoughts on the subject so I can give my brain some rest 😄My perspective on each parallel world would variate depending on the different characters, thus, this story is about Evak based on Even's portrayal. I will not be refering to Isak by his name most of the times because I simply don't feel comfortable doing so, for reasons that are unknown to me.I do tend to naturally focus more on feelings than actions. And that sentence was kind of self explanatory.I don't feel like describing what's already on film so if you haven't watched it and have it pretty present in your mind I doubt you'll be able to follow. I've had it hard to see it through the eyes of someone who hasn't seen it, so, yeah, you should watch it anyways.I'm not sure I'll manage to publish them in order so it will be basically clip by clip, when I get inspired.





	1. The Gaze And The Bunn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vilde's voice got him to look his way and for that we love you 😊

_____________Amazing Gaze

Is this stalking?, he wondered as he comfortably lounged at the school canteen enjoying the view.  
Sure it had been going on for a while now, from the first day he arrived to school actually.   
That day when he didn't know anyone, and was looking around seeking for that kind soul that usually eases your way through the awkwardness of being a new-come.   
This curly blonde boy had caught his attention, bearing a frown and an overall grumpiness demeanor, a perfect example of what he was not looking for. That right there. As a matter of fact he decided to study him some more in order to have a clear depiction of the kind of subject he was most definitely not searching for. Also, it would be best for his own image if he closed his mouth now which had somehow in the process dropped down a bit. Then he laughed, not him, the boy, that also deserved studying for a while, so he could recognize it when he saw it on the right subject for his actual quest.   
Subsequently storing all this vital data, in the favorites folder of his brain for future reference, alongside with a few stick notes due to further proximity required research ie, where his eyes green or brown?, had he no upper lip?, and ah...yeah.  
He closed his mouth.

So, probably not...about the, you know...the stalking; /Your honor, I was just chilling there, legs crossed on top of a coffee table (a very common chilling position you see), the kid just happened to be across the room in front of me, and/ Oh ok, thank you feisty girl accompanied by non other than Sana; her presence activating a stingy flashback which he rapidly discarded. So, after all, he did know somebody here; she hadn't acknowledged him, but he hadn't taken that as a sign of hostility from her behalf. He tried to avoid assuming what her thoughts could be about what had happened. Maybe he would get to talk to her sometime, he wasn't sure how he felt about it, and for the moment he just couldn't be bothered with it.  
Them coming to talk to him had served as an intermission of that rant that had been going on in his head. He had yet to come up with a better self defence if he was to convince "the jury" and himself even of his own innocence. Especially if evidence was found of him skipping class to follow the boy into the canteen, the alibi of his presence there being just coincidental would crumble down for sure.  
Anyways, did he hear her say she would invite all students to that awesomeness of a kose-group-whatever meeting?   
As he nodded and smiled politely to the talkative girl, he deemed having a quick check on the boy necessary; and if he had at any moment really paid any attention to what she was mumbling, he was most definitely not doing so after catching those allegedly green or hazel eyes fixed on him! (As strikingly marvelous as they were he had never gotten as close as to check the colour, he was working on it though) To then quickly stare down leaving him in a turmoil of emotions, entering a wormhole of stillness for an undetermined yet rather short space of time, or so it felt; and if he was to be honest with himself with a feeling of abandonment, which he, himself found a tad excessive given the circumstances. Nonetheless, setting aside the suffering for later; Excuse you?! What? Yes indeed!, he was very much gazing at him! For how long? No idea; he had been pretending to listen to that girl, oh! She was still there! How persistent! he related. He convincingly promised he would attend the, party?; and as much as he appreciated her being there when that joyful moment occured, he now needed her to part company. He had to analyze that gaze, break it down to pieces, make a gif out of it and post it on tumblr for the sake of science and posterity.  
Feeling a bit over the top excited, he eased himself, before the fear of it being just a random stare or any sort of auto sabotage his brain could come up with took place. He knew what he saw. He would never forget it, as no one who would have ever witnessed it would.*

_________________The Bunn

After being satisfied by his promise the girl finally got on her way, moving on to no better location than to the object of his affection's table.  
This was proving to be a good day, the best day so far. He couldn't help let a snort out though, when he saw all the boys grimaces and uncomfortably twisting and turning on their sits, probably, no!, surely not knowing how to politely get out of it unharmed.  
The boy on the other hand was sending another vibe, thinking it, it seemed. He couldn't claim to know him at all, for his, yet to be proven otherwise "not stalking". He would have been a little disappointed if he had sensed any kind of excitement in him about it. He looked, as if he was leaving it to his friends to decide whether they would attend or not.  
He couldn't help but rejoycing in the idea that they might be somewhat together in this, both of them complying for a onesided very-much-top-secret reason.  
Or maybe he was just delusional making stuff up left and right. Bah.  
The boy, the one that he had not long ago found staring, was back to torturing the bunn in front of him like he had been doing while his friends talked about something that seemed to be of no particular interest to him.  
At the risk of sounding to himself as a drooling mess he had to take into account how mesmerizing that creature was. A mental sigh materialized.  
The boy then ate a bit of what he imagined would be the part of it which didn't urge him to be teared apart like it had done something personal to him, the part that was lucky enough to be eaten.

And then, to reinsure that THIS was in fact a great day, he witnessed and got a spongy feeling in his chest, as one of his friends, the blonde one, took his bunn away and gave it a bite. The horror! If looks could kill that blonde would be R.I.P-ing, and the courage the teen displayed by toying with it after being scolded was admirable, if he was to exaggerate to make his point.  
Could being grumpy be adorable on a person? Was that a thing now? It was HIS thing now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *And we haven't 💛


	2. Desperate To The Next Level

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kose group meeting.

It was going to be quick if the boy wasn't there. Even was going to check, wait a little maybe to give him time to show up and if not, he would just bail.

Bail cancelled, as soon as even got there he took a quick peek around to find him sitting there and oh, well, well, well, doing nothing but stare at him and of course quickly drop his eyes to the floor. Of course! That was the way he operated he had learnt. But he had seen him, why did the boy even bother? Silly kawaii-ish creature. Even amused himself with the accuracy of the adjective, it just suited him.   
He then proceeded to take a sit on the bleachers behind him, no point in doing it elsewhere. It was his call really, for he had found him following his movements yet again, leaving no doubt on Even's destination spot.

As the jittery Kose-girl a.k.a Vilde kept mumbling, in which was starting to become their thing, in the sense of her talking non stop and him pretending to listen to her, while tactically absorbing his boy's every move. Yes, HIS boy.  
Her mentioning that "being nice to others was something that was not natural for everybody" or something like that, caught his attention from her enthusiastic yet unexciting speech, for Even thought she might have been refering to the boy sitting there looking pretty and grouchy; making him feel the impulse to tap his shoulder and tell him, he should apply what she just said on him. Heh.   
Or maybe she had meant it towards Sana, she also qualified if you didn't know her.

Hearing his voice for the first time even if it was while he was talking to a pretty yet nerve-racking girl who had just approached him, activated Even's senses. It sounded so sweet or so it seemed since they were mere light unenthusiastic "Yays" taking him to the verge of snorting.

He got, he reckoned, exceedingly excited (sudden stomach butterflies and all) at the thought of getting to hold his hand when Vilde told them to get up to form a circle, a stupid circle he was so for at the moment. But he was left high and dry for the boy quickly sneaked out, in what Even thought, while fighting to suppress a smirk, was the funniest display of an escapism act he had ever witnessed. 

Even granted the boy a few minutes to get ready for what was coming, even if he had no way of knowing really.   
He was welcomed to the bathroom by the sound of what was undestinctly a phone game blasting out behind the one closed door, no Shelock Holmes needed to guess where the boy was.  
It didn't take him long to be there next to him to wash his hands.  
Even mentally facepalmed as he couldn't for the life of him come up with something to say to break the ice already, it felt at this point that it was long overdue.   
He found himself intentionally going into a frenzy for papel towels, the reason for it being, puzzling him since there was literally nobody else there to distract the boy from noticing him.  
That.Last.Paper.Towel.Had.To.Go.Too, it was imperative that it did for some reason.  
The look on his face making it totally worthy, on top of that he did take the paper towel he retrieved from the garbage can and smoothed before offering it back to him! Priceless. 

____________Their Bench

Even knew he was the one to take the bull by the horns when he flaunted the joint from behind his ear in front of the boy's face, before telling him to meet him outside and leaving. From that moment on all he could do after getting to a bench outside the building, was to hope for the boy to follow.   
He also hoped the relief he felt when he saw him appear wasn't that noticeable.   
Heh, what the hell?!, what was with him being so careful when taking the joint from Even's hand? He was surely doomed if he kept acting that way.   
He had him so close and couldn't help thoroughly staring at him with a smile that he didn't even bother trying to fight. Eyes, lashes, lips! Damn!  
The boy served him the opportunity to toy with him on a silver platter, and he surely took it, when he told him what the "love circle game" had been about, delighting him with his reaction. He was pretty expressive when denoting certain emotions, Even had already noticed that. It was bewitching from up close.   
By the time the short-haired girl, who had approached him before returned to make the boy uncomfortable again, and having as a reference his response then, Even felt the need to chip in his defense, not without risking getting frowned upon for meddling. But that wasn't the case, the boy had been more than willing to tag along, proving he had not been wrong about the boy not being interested in the girl.   
She then invited herself to join them. -Why is she sitting in our bench?- Even wondered. It had been their bench (like)* for five minutes now. Well, bah.  
He wasn't comfortable, neither was the boy nor was the bench.   
Even had the boding that the mood wasn't going to be the only thing she would kill.  
She was cute though. Em-ma. Even thought to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *of a certain interview on a coffee shop 🤭


	3. Green Eyes, A Cupid's Bow And His Voice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even's slomo walk for ya'll.

🗝Even's Walk🗝  
He did have an upper lip!, as a matter of fact, the most alluring Cupid's bow Even had ever seen.  
As he was arriving school, Even found himself pretty lost in his thoughts. The Kose gang thing had by far exceeded his expectations. Another glance from the boy, yes, that had happened.   
And, Oh! Green eyes! His eyes were green -sigh-   
Friday was still present on Even's mind after all these days and had kept him busy reminiscing about all the things he had found out about the boy.  
He reminded him some of the dude from Mad magazine just grumpier? Yet still funny, if he was ever lucky enough to get a hold on him, he could see himself picking on him to get the boy to react, because it was utterly amusing for him.  
Even couldn't wait to see him again.  
Oh, there he was! He looked disgruntled yet adorable with that snapback that suited him so well. His personal branding really. The kosa-girl talking to him and his friends. Even rejoyed in the fact that he now knew how his voice sounded, so no more wondering what it would be like when he had repeatedly seen him talk with someone from the distance.  
As Even was walking across the courtyard he felt the urge to take a glance his way in case the boy would finally come in good terms already with what was going on, even if for the moment what they had was a one sided thing that took place in his head, but, that didn't matter, them becoming something was inevitable.   
He was staring back at him, keep it cool, he screamed at himself in his thoughts as he mildly freaked out for a moment there. But he was a hundred percent certain it hadn't externalized.   
They were already something.   
The glance became a sustained gaze, as Even strolled past him, the feeling of all that surrounded them going still and blurry, leaving just the two of them, immersing deep into each others eyes. First time for him to be the one to break eye contact. Even walked to his peers forcing himself not to stare back again. But the force was leaving him, so he casually put his sunglasses on and "problemo" solved.   
Damn! That short-haired, joint and mood killer girl from the other day was yet again getting on the way, ugh, seriously though, was her only porpouse to always interrupt them?  
She had to stop being their thing.  
Anyways, he was on a good day, so he wasn't going to let this ruin it for him. Progress had been made aside from the eyes and luscious lips discovery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this was short, might come back and extend if I come up with something else.


	4. There's No Going Back Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 🗝Give me the beat!🗝

🗝Give me the beat!🗝  
Even was a little drowsy from staying up late watching Romeo and Juliet, again, sitting on the bus watching out the window, he couldn't wait to get back home to take a nap.  
His mind drifted to the usual direction it had been taking for quite sometime now.  
After finally having talked to him last friday, Even thought them being in contact would continue it's natural course, but that wasn't the case. Not even as little as a "hi" while crossing paths in the halls, a growing fretful feeling of it not going anywhere. He became aware it was up to him to get things going.  
_____________A Nice Chat  
He got pulled out of the somber state he had suddenly fallen into when he saw him waiting for the bus, drowsiness gone also. He swiftly stood in front of the bus entrance giving destiny a hand. His heart rate increased as the boy approached him, lost in his phone, standing right next to him totally oblivious of the inner thrill he intailed. For a few seconds all Even did was look at him foolishly beaming through his eyes (his trademark really), in hopes of the boy maybe taking notice of him, but he was too absort in his own world. Even strived the impulse of throwing the boy's phone out the window. The thought of it intensifying the eye beaming.  
Yes, it was up to him indeed.

"Hey" he said in a cheerful manner, the was no point in forcing himself to act in a more down to earth fashion, he didn't mind the boy knowing how happy it made him to see him neither could he suppress it.  
The boy's response equally brief.   
It was then time for Even to ask a stupid question, maybe the boy was into stupid and there was no way of knowing unless he asked.  
Again, a brief response, now his turn for stupid, Even figured the boy also wanted to know about his preferences on the topic.  
Awkward silence.  
Sarcastic remark to lighten things up.  
Got him to laugh, that was good.   
More silence. Damn! It really was up to him, no kidding!

Even was already fretting they would get to destiny with no progress whatsoever, when the boy, shamelessly requested to take advantage of his age to ask him to get a bit illegal and get him some beer. Even had never felt so content of being used in his life. 

________________Focus!  
The walk to the store where Even mindlessly went in to commit a minor offence, a quite tiny one he considered, was to no surprise a quiet one. With the exception of the boy fleetingly explaing the reason for his solicitation.  
As much as he really, really, (like) seriously, really liked him, he was not going to let him get away with it that easily.  
He went out the store and casually told him he had forgotten his ID, so they would have to go to his apartment to get it. Easy peasy. He led the way like he was used to, leaving it to the boy to decide whether to follow or not, but pretty confident on him doing so. After all they had an imminent thing going on.  
Once they got there he was pretty pleased to find an empty apartment awaiting for them, which was very convenient.   
As he pretended to look for his ID, the boy flattered him by liking his art. He kept pretending some more, buying him time to consider his possibilities. If he "found" his ID, then they would have to go back to the store, meaning the end of the rendezvous. Thinking of it reminded Even he had a joint in his jacket's pocket right next to it. He went full on the flaunting act, which proved itself to be infallible.  
Even felt comfortable talking to him, and so did he, or so it seemed, all awkwardness vanished, like it never existed.   
He was fun, and especially beautiful in the light generously pouring through the glass of the windowsill they were slouching on.   
He loved to finally be able to share a casual chat and learn things about him. It felt cozy, almost overwhelmingly so. No Emmas in sight, which was always good. He had him all for himself and it all suggested he was enjoying it also.  
A delicious mixture of laughs, puffs and glimpses becoming gazes as the time went on. The boy's lingering stares going deeper within him, shaking him to the core.   
He could not be getting it wrong. 

The kitchen had been a hoot, they created art, the kind that's so good, that passes as misunderstood. Or it could be just plain terrible. The boy echoing him when he said that there was no going back, got him thinking if he was still refering to their creation. His heart skipped a beat at the thought.

Again with the phone! Was it Emma?he wondered almost exteriorizing a despective grimace. That phone needed some fresh air.   
Maybe he should ask Emma to come throw it out the window and help herself out afterwars, she also needed fresh air. Em-terruptus. Ugh.

He found him laying his eyes on him more often welcoming his own glances. It felt intimate, like it seldom did when just getting to know someone.  
He was not taking things out of proportion.

When asked if he had heard about his rapping, Even considered it prudent not to mention he had actually more than heard about it, but heard IT altogether, several times actually on Instagram, back in the ole days when he was not stalking him some. He also refrained from emmiting any sort of feedback about it. It had been fun, why ruin it with unsolicited opinions?   
It had been a long time since Even laughed so hard, he cherished it and it scared him.  
Even tried not to overthink it, but it really appeared as if they were in the same level, they were tuned, or so it felt. For some reason that made Even dubious. Provoking old painful memories to surface. Trying to shake those thoughts off his head to no avail.   
Shouldn't he make a move if he was so sure they were on the same page? He wanted to. Why didn't he though? Was his subconscious preventing him from repeating a past mistake? He had misread his friend's closeness back then, he had promptly realized there had been no signs that indicated he ever wanted something more than friendship. And then he had ruined it acting out of nowhere when it wasn't the best time for him. This time he needed to be dead sure, he wouldn't let it happen again.   
It had never been like this anyway.  
Making him even more aware of how much more cautious he would have to be, in order to protect himself from what would surely bring him down like never before, if he was mistaken about the boy correspondence.

Hearing the bell ring, worked as a disenchanting call, that brought him back to earth. His sense of self protection sharpening right away. The promise of his comfort zone, was right there at the door, where he knew he would never get hurt no matter what he did. Always accepting, always a warm place to hide.  
He had probably taken it out of proportion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boy it was so hard to come up with something about this one!, because Even's actions made no sense to me, but it just hit me and I'm pretty satisfied with it.  
Let me know whether it made sense to you or not. I would love to get some feedback.


	5. Jonas's Snapback

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 🗝Jonas's snapback🗝

So, ok, he had kissed Sonja right in front of him, he was well aware of that.  
In that moment he had embraced the soothing warmth of what he knew was as far from getting himself hurt than anything else. He had felt glad to see her, she was his safe place.  
The prospect of it all being him trying to project his desire into the boy had irrevocably hit him then, leaving him fearing there would only be deception ahead for him, and he couldn't afford to put himself through it.  
He was surely more hurt than the boy by his own actions. Overly so.  
Had he thought they had any chance at all he would have never had such a display of affection for him to witness.  
That would have been if he cared at all, which was confirmed not to be the case when he saw him talking to Emma, in a rather too flirty manner for his taste. Following her acting all cool and charming. Extremely charming for what he could see from afar, the girl had no chance. Apparently a feature that was not available for him, at least the boldness display. 

Friday had been good though, it had felt good, so good.  
So, yeah, no harm done then, he had been the only one to be affected by his own actions. The boy hadn't bothered to do as little as to contact him to claim his snapback back. Or maybe he hadn't noticed, bah, Even had no way of knowing since there had been no interaction between them.  
He had made the right decision by putting a halt to his own ungrounded presumptions on the boy's interest in him. In them.  
Them was not a thing.  
_________________

He had been having a hardtime keeping his thoughts from coming back to him. He wasn't even feeling so harshly about seeing him being all smiles to Emma. It's not that he missed him or anything, but that was exactly what it was. He new his brain wouldn't always do what he wanted, he was more than used to it. Which didn't by any means mean it didn't bother him.  
He had to give him his snapback back, that would give him closure, he was sure.  
He determinedly walked towards the the boys gathered at the gym's windowsill drooling over the dancing chicks. Once there he threw him his freaking snapback. There, that's it! This is as far as our thing got.  
What the hell was with that frozen stare?  
Even being it a rethorical question when he had asked him if it was indeed his snapback, he could have at least nodded in acknowledgment. Otherwise the situation made it look as if he was a deranged person talking nonsense.  
Turns out it was the heavily-eyebrowed boy's snapback. At least he had had the deference of talking, unlike the boy who was just staring at him in what looked like utter terror. His stare conveyed it was up to him to come up with something. An enigma really, what and why was there to hide?, they had just hanged out. What the hell. He couldn't even explain to himself, if he was to analyze it, on why he had said he had left it at the cantina. He then left without even saying goodbye, there was no point in doing so, the boy wouldn't have returned the favour, that much he knew.  
You know what? Fuck him!, with his eyelashes, fucking cupid's bow, those curls peeking out the sides of his snapback (he wasn't wearing one now, but he remembered, he had it too present really), and his dumb rapping also. He was done dealing with kindergarten population.  
He had Sonja.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short one, I could have merged it with the next or previous clip, but I really want to do this clip by clip.


	6. Eyelock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The party, YaY!

He was so going to that Revue party.  
Yes, that was happening.  
They would go have fun with the kiddos and that'll be it. There was a conspicuous determination laying underneath, he would deliberately not take account for, there was no point in obsessing over what could happen at the party.

The thing is, he had been doing some serious cerebration and the boy's attitude had been suspicious to say the least. And yes he was again talking about the boy, yes the "fuck him" and lashes and lips and cute rapping one, get over it, it's a thing, nothing you can do about it, so zip it. Ok, so, about the thinking he had been doing, why was he so fearful? they had, after all, just hanged out. Or was his circle of friends some kind of a cult that didn't allow it's integrants to interact with people from outside of it? They didn't strike him to be like that really, in fact they seemed pretty nice and chill. He couldn't think of another reason for him to be so secretive about it.

He hadn't been the one taking things out of proportion, the boy had. And as he wondered why, Even couldn't help but feel lighthearted at the thought of it being due to the fact that all those staring and coy smiles indicated nothing more than that, they were indeed on the same page after all. 

He couldn't allow himself to overthink it, that was it, those where the facts and the conclusion he had arrived to wasn't at all crazy ridiculous. 

__________Those Neon Stripes  
As they got to the party, Even efficiently scanned the place for the boy, on what had become a normal routine, to quickly find him sitting beside that irritatingly irksome pretty girl. Failing to discourage him for the boy was distinctly staring at him, a rather crossed stare actually, no traces of coyness to be found. Notwithstanding, Even used by now to the boy's subtle attitude fluctuations, embraced it as a promising factor.

Even did not like it at all when the boy promptly leaned towards the girl to kiss her. He recognized it as payback time, he felt personally attacked, it was an exhibit displayed for him and him alone to witness. There was no room for doubt about it for him thus he found himself engaging on a crusade to bring it to a halt.  
He did not like it, not one bit.  
He covered the distance between them in no time leaving Sonja to her own devices.  
Since there was no room or way for him to sit right between them without getting violent, he chose to do it next to her, cheerfully stating his opinion on what was greatly disturbing him.  
She warmly received him unlike the boy who grimaced in annoyance, that sweet girl. He didn't dislike her he more like punctually despised her adjacency to the boy.  
His attempt of complimenting the boy's apartment, in order to lighten things up, was notably disregarded getting a bland thanks from him. Oops, he was taking grumpy to the next level, he was mad.  
His attitude and the previous vengeful make out session got Even to think it was his girlfriend who was causing all this discontent from the boy's side, well, not her per se, but their relationship.  
He had known it all along, hadn't he? Preventing at the time the thought from surfacing, was a way of not having to deal with a subject that made him uncomfortable. He had been dreading it inevitable for a long time now, even from before the boy entered his life. They had been together for a long time, it wasn't that easy to come to an end.  
Anyhow, it meant the boy's resentfulness about it, only proved beyond doubt of his interest in him. He couldn't be wrong in his conclusion. The hint of a shadow making him doubt his own judgement for a second. No! This time he wasn't getting it all wrong.

The girl had then made an unfortunate remark, upsetting Even to no end. He felt like pointing out to the sulky boy next to them and ask her if she thought he was a good example of it right now. Of course he wouldn't but he wanted to. She then took him away to the dancefloor, he didn't like that either. How rude of her.  
It didn't took him long before following their steps.  
Even closed his eyes trying to get some of the old feeling back. Failing to get caught in the moment. He did love her, how could he not? She had always been there for him, and he knew he was a lot to deal with sometimes. The despicable feeling he got everytime his thoughts would derive into it no longer being the same, in him wanting not only to love someone but to be in love. The thought of it sooner or later coming to an end because of him and especially of ever hurting her disgusted him.  
He looked at her sweetly, wanting to ease the pain he would put her through beforehand. But as he closed his eyes it was the touch of other lips his own lips were craving for, his fingertips inclined to explore a more muscular body, induced perhaps, by the time he had seen the boy on a t-shirt clinging around his body during PE class, heavily inciting him. He didn't have it in him to fight it anymore. A long term relationship being good for him, not longer enough of an excuse, he craved for the boy. He knew exactly where he was, it was too much of a distraction. 

He thought initially it would become some kind of a competition on who got the other one more jealous, but it could never be that shallow.  
After, he had opened his eyes looking right in his direction, their eyes meeting, fixed on each other, leaving no place for doubt or any kind of thoughts really, totally immersed in the overwhelming experience.  
He was now certain, no misconceptions possible.  
The boy had bluntly held the stare, until being taken over by a feeling they both shared, shutting his eyes closed, leaving Even out of his mind, wishing he could close the excruciating distance between them once and for all. 

From that moment on the party started to get a little too long or maybe his time perception got a bit altered by his anxiety. He had not found a way to interact with the boy again and he was aching for it.

By the time people finally started getting ready to leave, the sight of the boy inefficiently picking up beer cans and plastic cups almost got Even to crackle in laughter. He would have if it weren't for the fact that he kept steadily glancing his way, Even regarding it like a crushing provocation. Not taking his eyes off him letting him know he was getting the message loud and clear. Bearing wave after wave of warmth flooding his body.  
Their thing was on.

Once everyone had left and after assuring Sonja he'd catch up with them in no time, he headed to the kitchen where his boy was.  
Still carrying a sullen undermeanor, after what had taken place on the dancefloor, silly boy. He couldn't expect him to openly address it, but he did relied on him softening up a bit maybe.  
The intended mockery went unnoticed when stating on how the boy had had a good time with Emma, the boy's response being far from enthusiastic on the subject. It more than pleased him.  
He insisted on trying to unthicken the air between them, by simply going to the extreme while letting him know about his relationship status at the moment. It turned out to be incredibly fun for him, the boy's perplexed reactions were pure gold. Even almost bursting into laughter giving up his cover, fascinated by the boy's naive wide-opened attentiveness shown in his eyes and on how he had succeded in getting him to relax and most of all on their closeness. He was too aware of it.   
Every sign of the boy loosening up was taken advantage of to get even closer.  
Yes, it had been a bit too much maybe, to joke on something like that but it had served it's purpose.  
A bit closer now.

It was getting harder to repress the urge to pull him towards him, but no, he had to conquer the space between them inch by inch it seemed, giving the boy the chance to back up if he didn't feel comfortable.  
A latent nervousness taking him over the closer he got, in contrast with the sudden stillness and the silence they had both fell into surrounding them, him crossing the point of no return being that close. Fondly observing him, taking his time gathering whatever it was it required to get even closer. The boy's stare fixed on the floor in front of him even after slightly staring in front of him, seizing Even's progress towards him, not backing up, tilting his head towards him. His mind aiding him to fill in the almost inexistent distance between their cheeks, making him almost feel the smoothness of the boy's skin beforehand.  
Both harshly startled out from the moment, his mind still hanging on to the feeling of it, having it hard to let go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So hard to do it justice.


	7. One Punch And It Opened

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 🗝By the locker🗝

He could still not believe it. Damn! Seriously though, of all the days, all of the minutes, all whatever, did that Noora girl had to come in that particular day and minute? It felt personal, like ugh, un-freaking-believable.  
He could almost taste it, but not really, could he? No, this was another level of frustration.

On sunday, he just couldn't postpone it any longer. The boy had not given any signs on whether he was as frustrated as him or if he was ok with it, nothing at all. In order to ease his mind Even decided he had probably been too busy with that girl showing up out of nowhere. There was no reason to think otherwise, no need to overthink it either. They had both been interrupted.  
So, instead of calling him to tell him he couldn't stop thinking about him and what chance there could be of them meeting for they had unfinished business. Or maybe just text him "Hi how's it going?" He sent him a meme, it was super funny, he wasn't sure the boy had really appreciated it though.  
Then he had asked about the weekend, and Even freaked out a bit, if he was to tell him that he had gone to the party back to Sonja he feared it would be a step back for them. So he just didn't answer, which wasn't that big of a deal, he could later tell him a piano had fell on his head or better yet, that he had broken his wrist, grinning at the thought of all his wrist had been up to lately.

________________Join me?  
On Monday Even had spent one too many hours anticipating seeing him that day. As a result of that, once he saw him by the lockers he rapidly approached him, shoulder carelessly leaned against them, his I'm-too-cool-and-confident persona stepping in, displaying an earnest smile out of delight which could have easily turned into a laughter fit over having previously witnessed his struggle with the locker door. Hoping again it was not too obvious how happy he was to see the boy. Lingering for a moment in the sight of him after saying hi. So happy to see him, he could have considered it a bit of an exaggeration hadn't he known better.  
The boy's hesitant response on whether he was going to the halloween party or not, got just a bit to Even's nerves, just a tiny bit. This creature was playing with his feelings as if it was nothing. Are you coming or not already? Instead of letting that out he simply invited/ordered the boy to join him.  
How could he be not affected by him when he kept acting in such endearing ways?  
He had gone from not really interested, to yes!, totally interested!, in a matter of seconds. Even picking up on an expression that denoted the boy being self conscious on how desperate his answer had sounded. Aside from it being funny as hell the reassurance it implied, was greatly appreciated.  
Before leaving he punched the boy's locker open, since there was no point in leaving him to continue his ordeal, if he was not there to have fun about it.

Tuesday, another meme, the boy was definitely not appreciative on how funny this shit was.  
He wasn't much of a text person either, damn.  
Thursday, text time again, Geez, had barely seen him for two days, one time, entering one of his classes, Adidas best model ever, Sana by his side. She was so lucky, Even frowned at his own cringiness and then grinned, it was a good thing to be in love. Criiiiinge! The second time had been when the shadow of a "hi" had taken place on the corridor leaving him in a worse situation than before, totally longing for a more decent amount of "quality time". 

He had never been as compliant before, as when later that day, Sonja had asked him to find out if the boy was on for the pre game, to which, he heard himself answer with a "Yep, he's going alright" which went fortunately unnoticed, also if he was hosting it and the time they were expected to show up. He had to thank her, but wouldn't, about propitiating the longest text exchange they had ever had.


	8. A Hoax

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 🗝21:21🗝

Even was in a great mood, they were on their way for him to see the boy. Dressed to impress an all. Once he was there he wouldn't fail to get a smile out of that pretty face of his for sure. And so he did, a splendid ear to ear grin displaying all kinds of gapped teeth -and you were worried I was going to look ridiculous?- the boy had said as soon as he had lied eyes on him. -I think nerd was the word, but thanks for ranking it up for me- Even responded with a smirk followed by that eyebrow thing he always does as a final touch.   
As they were being led to the living room, he was seriously appreciative of the boy not looking nearly as stupid as he did, he actually looked cute af, the synthetic leafy wreath doing the trick he thought. You could say the funny part of his rather dull costume was very much overshadowed by how cute that damned crown looked on his head. GEEZ! However, a noticeably amount of effort had surely been put into the hair, there was no telling him otherwise; he pondered a mockery when the occasion called for it.

He couldn't put a finger on when exactly it had all gone to hell.  
First of all, what was that horrible thing playing on the background?   
Second of all things sacred!, when was it going to end already?, since nobody else seemed to be bothered by it, he at least hoped the suffering would soon come to an end for him. 

Anyway, you couldn't blame it on the boy that the pre party sucked. There was as many as two more people than needed to make it at least a comfortable gathering. He wanted to talk to the boy but again, nothing was coming to mind besides, they were way too far from each other to have a conversation of their own and joining Emma and Sonja in their lively chit chat, would be too much of an effort. It was a downright disaster. Not even salvageable by the always fulfilling assorted gazing, glances and whatnots. He was getting increasingly irritated. So much that when the boy had asked if Sonja was older than him he responded in a harsh manner out of sheer frustration. Instantly regretting it, which exasperated him even more. A counterproductive vicious circle. Was it so hard to get a moment at least to talk to him?, to have him close again? And now that he was in that appalling mood, he was also still pissed about having had to tell him he already had plans with Sonja, when the boy had for the first time ever in the history of them, sent him a text that wasn't merely a response to one of his incredibly funny memes.   
Bursting out at the first chance possible that allowed him to express all of this discontent he had been bottling up; this time his outburst directed towards Sonja. He knew she was right, he also knew it wasn't her fault he wasn't being honest about his feelings about them at least. He had let out those words out of guilt disguised as anger. A lame excuse that failed to stand it's ground.

After both girls had left and it was finally the two of them now, he couldn't get back to a neutral place, he was still mad, even at the boy.   
He was not up for small talk either. The boy was trying to pull him out of this state he was in now, he suddenly realized, attempting to calm him down by bringing him back to the usual things, those that nobody cares about but that fill up the empty spaces. Today was not the day for any of that for them, he wouldn't have it.

_____________Tre, To, En  
With new found evigorment, Even led the way once more for the boy to follow. He just needed some fresh air to shake that growing exacerbation off, before it kept snowballing for the worst, he could feel that happening already. He had to stop it. Had to stop it from getting the boy estranged from him like he had just done with Sonja. A sting of regret revolving his stomach momentarily at the thought, he'd have to shake that off too, to deal with it later. Now was not the right time for that.  
It was time for their belated moment.

Once outside, his body welcomed the coolness of the slight breeze. Pleasingly leveling down some of the heat that had invaded him for all the wrong reasons.   
The bike ride burning down also some of that extra negative energy he had caged in.   
The boy involving him into his cheerfulness making him laugh with his foolishly refreshing chantings. Bringing some warmth back to his stranded chest flooding him whole.  
It had all served him so well, cleansing him thoroughly out of his previous hideous state.  
The boy's presence behind him constantly reassuring.  
He just wanted to be with him alone.*

He didn't weigh in the pros and cons of his upcoming actions, you don't do that when driven by impulse. You just let it flow and enjoy it. It would all turn out fine probably.   
That boy though, he kept pulling him deeper into a blissful mood. So comical in his concern about what he was so obviously doing. Validating it for both of them through Even's sloppy responses. Breaking in the way into their very own scenario.   
That kid had to chill though, it's not like they would end up worldwide scratched for just taking a swim at his "aunt's" house who was "on vacation", a few technical inconsistencies would not hold him back. 

Oh, that water felt just perfect in touch with his fingertips.   
He couldn't quite decipher if the boy was now skeptical about diving into the water or the whole situation being. He would just tease him out of it. That would surely do the trick. He first taunted him about being scared of the water, that "Oi" he had blurted out would not be forgotten any time soon. He then continued with his hair expecting him to address how he of all people was not entitled to bring that subject up. But he hadn't, he just seemed, topping Even's delight, to be genuinely outraged by the innuendo. To his defence he needed to set record of the boy being incredibly alluring, engaging beautifully. It all so casual and entertaining, totally in the now. Having him acting in the spur of the moment, astounding him, by throwing him into the pool, posthaste following him in what had now become one of their things. 

The sudden shock awakening him in ways he couldn't even understand, no place for incertitude, all senses up, there was just water, the boy and him in the world now.   
He couldn't remember the last time he had had that much fun. The boy's extraordinarily lame attempts to hold his breath were seriously cracking him up. An outbreak of warmth from the affection growing inside of him washing him over, during the two seconds the boy was underwater proving his breath holding masterness. Wooow, he was impressed alright. Incredibly amused when he saw him resurfacing so soon. But, after all a drop of water had slipped into his lungs it was serious stuff. The boy's seriousness defending his point bringing him to another level of tenderness.  
They were both submerged now. The ambiance change working it's magic, it was really just the two of them, floating, deafened from outside noises, stranded from the world.   
Hassling him was far too tempting, his reaction was again priceless, when he had reached out and softly clenched his hand around his neck. He would have laughed out loud, but decided he'd better not. No prior thoughts, he decidedly swam forward towards him as if pulled by his own desire to finally kiss him. A touch of the lips really, yet so much more. Up again above water, back to mundane matters, heart rate increased, flustered laughs, looking at each other intensely, a conveyed charade taking place, and so Even had to profess winning, the boy had to claim it being a hoax, they both had to go back down for a rematch, it was imperative that they did.   
Tre, to, en  
The boy's sweet, piercing stare meeting his expectant eyes, steadily floating, a plead almost for him to act. He loved him in the midst of him covering the scarce distance between them, slowly approaching him, rescuing him from that suspended state. Their lips pressed again lingering a bit longer this time. He wouldn't let the boy undergo not even as much as a second of uncertainty, kissing him again and then again up to the surface, the intimate atmosphere that surrounded them underwater unchanged this time. So aware of the boy's hands on his shoulders, his own cupping the boy's face. Backing up a bit, to smilingly continue flooding him with short heartfelt kisses.

How could be the boy be more alert than him?, he was left staring at him, wondering what was he was looking at, the world from outside of their moment welcoming him back in the form of a cute blonde girl standing by the pool dumbfoundedly staring at them. He doubted she knew his aunt.  
And suspected she would tell on them.

Once outside, he kept pulling up his leggings that insisted on slipping down his long legs, he was about half way to where they had left the bike, when he realized something or better said someone rather important was missing. He rapidly ran back and as he was helping him get out the small window, he wondered how his failed attempts would look from the inside, it had to be hilarious no doubt about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Oh references  
I couldn't get even close to exteriorize what the pool scene makes me feel.


	9. And So They Cuddled The Day Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 🗝Cuddle Scene🗝

Fleeing soaking wet, while laughing and screaming their lungs out, was starting to make them shiver after the initial rush of their getaway and especially of what had happened, started to wear out on them and the coldness of the night started to bring them down to earth.  
The boy had offered his place so they could get into some warm clothes. Once there, the boy had vehemently insisted on them sneaking in directly to his room, so then he could check if any of his flatmates were there. But of course, being it a friday night, not even Noora was there.  
Niiice, said Even.  
They would be able to take a quick hot shower before going back to the boy's room. Even found it a little over-the- top when the boy mounted guard outside the bathroom while he was taking his shower to then escort him to his room, before going back for one himself. There was no one there, ffs! The boy sure knew how to make people feel special, he thought with a smirk.  
He sat on the foot of the bed taking a look around the room to find there wasn't really much in it that indicated anything about him. The only thing that really called his attention amongst all that austerity was the poster hanging over his bed of a woman in a red swimsuit. He contemplated it rising an eyebrow, and as he was starting to analyze it, the boy entered the room, bringing his investigation to an end.  
He looked up at him, a slight smile appearing on his lips, making the boy deviate his eyes to the floor, while mirroring his smile. He had the feeling that it would never grow old for him. The silence that followed, gave him time to reconsider his impulse of getting up and just push him against the door to kiss him out of his mind. But he seemed to need a little more time to get there, and even if he didn't, he just wouldn't risk pushing him into something he wasn't ready for yet.  
-Nice deco- he said, pointing up to the poster on the wall -She kinda reminds me of my aunt- in hopes of the boy taking note on the sarcasm, to help him loosen up a bit. A recurrent task for him to perform apparently, he was more than happy to deliver.  
-yeah, your aunt and that poster are both a fraud- the boy scoffed while sitting on the bed, his back leaning against the wall.  
He was clever, of course he would get it, his comeback was incredibly on point too. Even appreciated the raw sincerity lying in it. He didn't so, of him sitting so far from him.  
What did a tall, blond guy had to do or say to get a hug around here?  
He remained in his sitting position, elbows on his knees, his head turned to him, a little inhibited, a pretty unusual feeling to him. Just looking at each other. -Can I?- Even said pointing a finger to the empty side of the bed beside the boy. He nodded in response a hint of a smile on his lips.  
Once there, sitting side by side, both their heads turned looking at each other, Even rised a hand to his face leaning to the side on his shoulder, the boy gifting him with the sweetest smile, he kept going further in his direction, the boy meeting him halfway there.

By the time the boy let out a yawn, they had already played a few fifa matches which had been highly entertaining. The boy had ventured to the kitchen assaulting the fridge twice bringing back precious snacks and why not a beer, to then share a joint standing by his window. Going back to the bed, they kissed some more until being taken over by a crushing drowsiness, the boy short after falling asleep in his arms. Leaving Even to freely stare at him until his own eyelids gave in to the languorous state this wonderful night had gotten him into.

At around 11 he woke up, his arm totally numb from the boy's head weight on his shoulder. Doesn't this marvelous creature ever move while sleeping? He amusingly wondered. Thing was, he had to go to the bathroom, like, now. He slowly moved his arm from under sleeping beauty there until he was freed, freed to pee. As he got to the door he remembered all the strategy involved in last night's incursions to the bathroom. He was now unsupervised, it was a lot of pressure. Seriously though, he respected the boy's need for privacy on this, but he really, really had to go, so he almost tiptoed his way to the bathroom. In the way back the relief had turned him into a daredevil and he just ran there, as silently as possible of course. Once there he went back to bed, and as he was staring at the boy in his sleep, the feeling of it being just a bit creepy to be staring at someone like that, was quickly set aside by the fact that he was starving. He was too tall, he required a lot of food to be this thin, so when he was hungry he had to eat. It was a fact. Besides he was kind of bored by now. He had to wake him up, he also missed him. So yeah, there was also that.  
He leaned over him and placed the slightest kiss on his forehead, another between his eyes, third one on his nose, then he moved down to the corner of his mouth, and then he just shook him awake, because the subtleness of his kisses weren't working and he was hungry. He couldn't have kissed him harder because that, would have been extra creepy, he couldn't go to the kitchen either because it was too risky, did he mentioned that he missed him?

He woke up frowning, how adorable! But he quickly smiled at him, Even kissed him, said good morning, mentioned that he was hungry, and kissed him again. The boy placed his hand on his neck pulling him in for another kiss. Even pulled back a bit and told him that if he wanted more kisses he would have to go brush his teeth, then get some food and a decent cup of coffee, he punctuated each task tapping his index finger on the boy's nose for further effect.  
Once he was satisfied after taking his coffee with some toasts; sans kardemomme for they didn't have that kind of fancy stuff in the flatshare, the boy had diligently explained, they chilled lying across the bed each to one side of it. The boy had tried to kill him by huffing smoke right to his face, probably disoriented due to their position, he kissed him anyways. They talked about this and that, his voice had him tripping out of his mind, or was it the joint? Nah, it was his voice, the boy seemed to have a bed voice, yes, and it was soothingly endearing.  
As innovative as it was, kissing that way was a little restraining so he fixed it, by sitting up supporting his weigh on one arm to then go down to the boy cupping his face with his free hand, kissing him all the way up, leaning his own back against the bed bringing him down with him, and that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you get your loved one laying on you kissing you senseless. In such a soft way, it has to be mentioned, that it surprised him when he had to stop it for the moment, him being convinced they were not yet at the same place. Anyways, nothing a few puffs and the thought of Emma couldn't fix.  
He had to stop joking about her though, she was cool. In fact the further she got from the boy the cooler she became. Ok, now he was going to stop making inner jokes about her.

He then kept attempting to murder him and almost succeded this time by leaning and just staying there, silently asking to be kissed. Bringing his hand to his neck when Even complied; countless goosebumps quickly spreading all over him. 

They exchanged points of view, probably unaware of how much of them was depicted behind those, seemingly nonsensical statements. Covering a rather wide range of elements, from an infinity of less painful existences; universes you can't physically escape to but bring comfort just being there; feeling small and unable to control whatever is meant to happen or not, in contrast to being the director of your own life, being able to do anything and everything when the right lightining was available, but when scarce or just unavailable, overwhelming thoughts would take over; brains feeling alone and scared; about death ending it all; and for some reason, even about yellow curtains.  
Also about the boy having had enough weed for now, and him being so young. A two year difference wasn't much but he seemed so fragile to his eyes, it was hard to keep that in mind.

The boy's guard up, when his flatmate/father figure? was demanding answers from behind the room's closed door; making Even wonder if he was always that respectful of the boy's privacy, anyways, he was sharply derogated with sheer bland lies. Resulting in an entertaining intermission from the previous dusky chat.  
Drifting back to melancholic matters, learning why he had ended up living on a flatshare as young as he was. Only to be brought to lighter issues again, in what seemed to have become a pattern throughout the short history of them. The boy had offered his family life experience and even the blah, blah, blahs for a film. To find Even more inclined towards documenting other features about him. He would name it  
"The Boy Who Couldn't Breath Underwater",  
"Nobody can breath underwater" the boy had mockingly stated.  
"Damn" Even said laughing it out, he had to stop making a fool of himself.  
He finally worded it right,  
"The Boy Who Couldn't Hold His Breath Underwater".  
Which was quickly reviewed as pompous and shitty. The boy unconvincingly sticking to his lame "drop down the throat" excuse, serving them both with another round of laughter. 

They cuddled the day away, at moments just laying there staring at nothing. Even enjoying holding him in his arms, mindlessly caressing him letting his fingers trail his curly hair.  
It got to a point where none of them were able to ignore the phone buzzing any longer. He wanted to erase that saddened look from the boy's face, which made him appear even more fragile than before. He thought there would be no better way to do that, than to really put himself out there by telling him that what he really wanted, was for him to let him stay there with him forever. Fearing being ridiculed, when a hint of a smile had appeared in the boy's face and for a brief moment it looked as If he was to make a joke maybe? He had the sudden hunch that whatever the joke had been that crossed his mind, it would probably lean to a black humor tone.* But that didn't happen. The boy, had said he could and rewarded him by again, leaning and asking for a kiss, like he had before, so heartwarming, that it had him once again pecking him between his eyebrows, the corner of his mouth and then on the lips. He once more gifted him with a tender smile, making Even forget about how fucked he was now. 

The boy then extended his hand again reaching out to his face, leaning over him, kissing him this time instead of asking for one. It was as sweet as ever but there was a certain boldness involved, granting him access for him to explore more into the kiss, and he couldn't resist. Knowing it would only push him to the edge of what he had allowed himself to expect from their encounter. He was way ahead of him and the boy kept, even though subtly, pushing him. He had his mind set on keeping things light, maybe caused by the age difference, which wasn't much but still, he took it seriously. That, and there was also the fact that he knew him to be inexperienced and he wouldn't let himself take advantage of that. 

The boy then slid his hand to his chest and way down to his stomach slipping it beneath that, Jesus t-shirt he had lent him, at the same time flexing his leg placing it on his thigh, all of this to impulse himself so his face was now hovering above Even's, and so to continue with his heartfelt kisses. Getting him to stiffen his muscles a bit by the sudden touch. He was getting lost in those short, superficial yet continuous kisses. The boy slowly finding out what it was to kiss with want, Even knew that much and was thrilled it was with him, but it didn't make it any easier. He was practicing on him really, probably unaware of what he was causing in him.  
Even limited himself to just kissing him back, one arm across the boy's back, his hand on his shoulder and the other over the hand he had placed on his stomach (and neglected, occupied entirely on leveling up his kissing skills), for just in case he decided to make it even harder for him to resist.  
There was only so much he could take, he had never gone even close to this far with a guy before, and most of all, he had never liked someone as much as he liked him.  
It all went to hell when the boy, probably done for now with his mouth, had traced his lips down to his neck, dwelling there for far to long. What the hell!?, he was damn straight teasing the fuck out of him. He kept making sure of restraining from going too far as much as he could, when sitting up, deciding it was his time now to lean on him, so he could take control especially of himself; he desperately needed to put a halt to the sweetest of tortures. He pushed the boy against the mattress, placing himself between the boy's legs, one hand on his face, his thumb toying with his lower lip, staring sternly at those lips that had had him dreaming in colours for weeks; his other hand to the boy's side for support. After he was sure he had calmed himself down just a notch, still staring at his mouth, he decided it was time to show him what his kisses were really like. 

________He_Was_Hot_When_Sleeping  
He had been staring at the boy sleeping again for too long now. He was hot when asleep. Looking down at his bare shoulder showing from under the duvet, reminded him with a twist in his stomach of how things had gotten just a tiny bit out of control for him, last night. Nothing too crazy, he had just transgressed his own self-impossed rules a bit so to speak. But it had felt so good to see him like that, the sheer remembrance of it immediately making him tingle all over.  
He had given in to the curiosity it raised in him, to witness how he would react to his slight touch, knowing it was all new to him. He doubted the boy had gone far with any girl who had ever attempted to get close to him.  
It never felt like he was going too far either, testing what his tender actions brought up in the boy, getting maybe a bit too much caught up by it all. Indulging when showing him how it felt like to be brought to a higher place by someone other than himself. The boy had been beautiful and filled his heart with a feeling that was new to him, and his body with a desire that had been so hard for him to contain.

Not even having him in his arms had been enough, as great as it was, to ease him into falling asleep; too much on his head right now. The idea of sooner or later having to deal with Sonja, kept coming back to him, getting him anxious, wishing he could just forget about it. He wanted to spare himself from the recriminations surely awaiting for him.  
He couldn't stand the thought of it now; it kept hushing down the warmth brought by the boy's proximity.  
He couldn't help feeling restless now, and that had anger and tiredness fighting to surface.  
He had to make sometime now, to deal with it away from the boy's sight.

He was already missing his touch and he hadn't even left yet. The uneasiness of so strongly wanting to stay by his side turning increasingly unbearable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Making stuff up about that clip was inevitable, they were together in that room all freaking day after all!  
*can bloopers be cute af, yes they can!


	10. Eyes Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Locker scene a.k.a OMHeart 💔

_________________A_Nice_Drawing

A piece of paper in hand he had torn off a notebook he had found under the bed by stepping on it when he had sat. He had then expected to find a pen there too, but it seemed under the bed was the place for single socks, notebooks and crumpled paper balls storage only, which got him to naughtily grimace at the toilet paper roll strategically placed on top of the nightstand by the bed. After retrieving a pen from his backpack he started drawing something intended to ease the boy into waking up to find him gone. He had to leave before he woke up or else he would probably surrender to his warmness, making it harder to leave so he could face the havoc surely awaiting for him once out of the comfort of this room.  
On the way out he decided to pay the bathroom one last visit, to find a consterned ginger by the name of Eskild, staring at him with expectant eyes. He excused himself saying he had to leave, before the guy kept on with his inquiry finding anything more than his name.

It had been terrible, by the time Sonja left his apartment he was totally exhausted. There wasn't much really he could say to excuse himself, the only way was to be honest, approaching the subject of their relationship downward spiralling into an unfulfilling shadow of what it used to be. His dependency on her to support and take care of him, as grateful as he was for it, was no longer covering up other aspects. He just couldn't say it, but the sore look in her eyes indicated she had understood it. He hated it, so hard having to be the one to inflict pain to one of the people he knew, and knew him the most. It made sense when she had yelled at him asking him what did all that had to do, with just disappearing with that kid like he had.  
He tried his best not to sound as involved as he felt with the boy, when he told her about it. He had then shut off during her retaliations, when he had sensed mockery in her words, implying his incapability to filter his emotions, suppressing and rendering them as a foggy, muffled replica too painful to afront. He had to plead for them to give the whole situation some time to cool down, it was the easiest way out, he couldn't in the heat of the moment trust himself to end it without being overly cutting. 

Recieving a text from the boy, later that Sunday, had lifted his spirit up, giving his mind some rest. He forced himself to put aside the real world for a moment, in order to send him a cheerful text back. He was too tired though to dabble in calling him, which could probably end in him having to reject an invitation to hang out, at the risk of not being able to keep the "good mood facade" for long. The last thing he wanted was scaring him off with his mood swings. It would be better to bear the burden on his own of wanting nothing more, than to have him close taking refuge in the warmness that meant having him in his arms. He had already dished out enough harm for the day.  
A feeble yet disturbing question crossing his mind; wasn't the prospect of leading the boy to experience dealing with him just indicative of his corrosive selfishness?  
He had meant it when he said they'd better talk the next day, also when he typed that he looked hot when sleeping.

He could hardly get any sleep that night, his brain too active even though his body was screaming for some rest.  
By the time the alarm went off, he knew he wouldn't be able to endure a day at school. He stayed there lying his mind still reluctant to set him free. Yesterday's issues put on hold in the background, giving place now to the growing apprehension of having acted based on his own desire to be with the boy, suddenly unsure of the boy's feelings about it. Maybe what he aimed for was not to be met by him. The possibility of scaring him off by having taken for granted that he felt the same way about him, making him insecure.  
His efforts to get any signs to come to mind that denoted the boy's willingness to go for more than just some cuddle sessions, gave no results. On the contrary, all he could come up with was his discouraging, relentless  
concern about nobody finding out about it. 

His brain felt numb all of a sudden, the weight of it all crushing him down to bed. He was afraid he wouldn't be able to sleep, that he would just lay there unable to escape his own thoughts. But at a given point his mind finally gave in, after two nights of no sleep, allowing him to escape and finally give his body a much needed rest.  
He had closed the curtains on his way to the bed, it had to be dark and it was still early. The sunlight darting through the window was abrasively offensive. He knew it would probably take longer than a nap, how long? he never knew. He didn't care either, he just had to.  
He barely got up during the next day to go to the bathroom. He knew he ought to eat something but wasn't hungry at all. He just wanted to go back bed and to sleeping.

Waking up the next day startled by the alarm, it all coming back to him like an avalanche that buried him, serving as an excuse to skip school again. As he was turning it off he noticed he had some message notifications on the screen, the rolling eyes, snapback, grumpy face, red heart emojis by the name of the contact calling his attention; the boy wanted to know why he had skipped class on monday, asking him if he wanted to hang out. Damn!, he hadn't seen it, he had fallen asleep before receiving it. There was now no point in answering almost two days later.

It was, anyway, more than enough it seems, to encourage him to get up, take a shower and head to school, all of last night's tribulations still stood ground, but he had found himself driven by a refreshing impetu coming from God knows where.  
He was still nervous though.

🗝Locker Scene🗝  
Even could have stood there watching him forever, he was pretty skilled with that fifa ball thing game. But he got him off the spell when he suddenly looked his way, bringing him down to more earthly yet important tasks he was to perform, such as acting as if kind of ghosting him a bit for the last couple of days, was no big deal. After having spent a whole day together in the confines of his bedroom, sharing some special moments; it didn't look good at all if he was to contemplate it from the boy's perspective.  
And now, he had to follow! It all depended on that for the moment being.  
And he did -pheww!- 

His asking where he'd been in a rather accusing way didn't really worry him as much as what he had to tell him. Would he find it like it was too much, too sudden maybe? Besides outing him somehow without his consent, now THAT, had had him with his stomach in knots. As much as Even trusted her on not retaliating on the boy, that didn't mean he had any reasons to trust her also. Even had spent the last days trying to figure out how he'd react to it. Postponing it until it was enough already with all the uncertainty. Besides it was hell to stay away. He missed the rush brought by his proximity.

He hoped his voice didn't show his state when he told him about the breakup, he couldn't transmit that to him, it would make it even worse if he was to react like he feared. He got jittery for a moment there, and it showed he knew, when the boy took a little time to let his words sink in.  
To then relieve him by actually looking happy about it, failing when trying to hide it, him being a bad liar and all, (hush though, he thinks he's good at it, Even sensed); adorable. 

Why did he think Even would be sad? Didn't he know how he felt about him? It was so damn obvious he felt it he would have no doubts about it; the sight and proximity of the boy had always been proven sufficient to make him foolishly smile, making Even so self aware, but he couldn't care less; it lifted him off the ground and no one in their right mind would refrain from such feelings. The thought of his crush being insecure about it got Even to plant a kiss on him, partly because of it and mostly because he had to. His sigh filled him with warmth, it would be forever imprinted in his memory.  
In addition the body reaction he noticed when he looked down to hold his hand, followed by an almost daring glance, or what was it then? got Even cleansed of some of the prior uneasiness becoming a more pleasant feeling; one of not only realizing on how much he really liked the boy but also, to have him reciprocate. Making Even to pause in order to allow the seemingly out of body sensation of being there but in a different place and time maybe, where it was just the two of them, to pass. The goosebumps on the sides of his neck and heat on his cheeks leading him to a place where he would no longer be in control. Even absentmindedly licked his lips wet yearning for the touch of the boys lips again, finding himself strongly fighting not to, for they were not at the right place for anything more than what had already happened. He didn't want to risk exposing him when he was so clearly not in good terms with people knowing about them.  
He needed to get a grip on his thoughts.

And then Even had to ask, why did he? Of course he had to ruin it. He immediately regretted doing so after hearing the boy's reasons on to why his parents opinion on them was not relevant.  
Heartbreak.  
Never even bittersweet, only pure pain, that is felt in every fiber it seemed. How could it be? A second ago everything looked promising.  
And now he felt attacked directly by the piercing words of the very same boy that had occupied his thoughts during all this time. Motionless crashing against an invisible wall that left him breathless for a second, and then there was nothing but utter desolation after all fell to pieces.  
He had known it from the beginning though, he had just been hopefully expecting the connection he so strongly felt with the boy, would get him to overcome it all. Fooling himself in the process, now he realized. He blamed himself for ever thinking of putting him through what he knew other people in his life had had to endure because of him. The thought of him knowingly leading the boy towards nothing but doomness, rendered Even feeling selfish again and suddenly worn out, but in his defence, he hadn't been able to stop from reaching out for the boy. Again, he had been selfish.  
The boy who had blessed him by showing his soft side to him, which he knew was not displayed without care. Had just told him, to his face, looking at him with doe eyes, that he couldn't be bothered to deal with people like him.

Regardless of now being aware of having had brought this upon himself, he, still had not expected it, it took him by surprise and knocked him down. That was his queue for stepping out of what could-have-been.  
One last kiss, one last glance before an unspoken goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It wears me out to write about this, but I hope it turned out to be at least readable. 
> 
> I really intend to put the names of the clips, but honestly, I can't promise it will happen 🙄


	11. Nice To See You Too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 🗝Even needs time🗝

He wasn't skipping class again, now.  
If he went back home, he would get in bed and never get up. And then he would think about it over and over.  
He grabbed his phone from his pocket and typed "I'm sorry" and hit the send button. A few seconds later the phone buzzed, he would check her response later.

He went to class so he wouldn't have to go home. That was it, he would pay attention some other day when he was feeling better. When things were back to normal.   
Staring out the window was ok for today. At least he wouldn't be lying in bed feeling sorry for himself, or even worse, feeling nothing.   
He was in full going-with-the-flow mode, which was ok for today.

He didn't like the emerging thought of what he knew he had to do, it's not what he wanted, and it made him feel guilty to think that way. He was no good, not for her, not for his family, not for himself. And the boy, the boy was just too good for him, he was normal, why would he even bother dealing with him? Moreover, why would he put him through it?  
Bitting hard on the inner side of his lower lip of his now pursed mouth, his eyes watery while deep in his thoughts.   
He snapped out of it, there would be no tears, they were not good enough for him.

After school, he didn't take the bus he needed a walk and he needed to get tired, physically tired, so he would be able to sleep tonight. He knew it could be counterproductive to get too tired, but he could fix it.  
Once home, he would call his mom, tell her what had happened; maybe not all of it, but enough, tell her he was alright so she wouldn't worry.

He had just gotten home, trying to figure out what else to do to keep himself busy, when the door bell rang. He didn't feel like dealing with it at the moment, but he had to. As he opened the door and saw her, it all came back to him; the comfort of what he knew was good for him yet not enough, he just seemed to not be able to let himself be happy, a rush of anger that made him so tired surged. It wasn't enough and he felt it was his fault for not appreciating what he had; and most of all sadness for not having what he wanted. She was his friend aside from anything else yet not the kind of friend you can confide on having a broken heart, on not being able to shake someone else from your head. He walked up to her and hugged her, he wanted to cry, but it was for all the wrong reasons.

____________Wana Hangout?  
He had attended school again which was always a good thing. He hadn't seen him either, he still never did on Thursdays.* 

When his phone buzzed, he was in middle of a class. He carelesly slid his finger across the screen to unlock it,  
he fidgeted his finger hovering over the boy's message convinced he should just swipe on the notification, but he opened it instead. A fixed expression on his face as he read it, his lips pursed to keep himself together. He read the last sentence a few times, a deep sigh almost getting the tears in his eyes to overflow. He had to keep reading the fucking thing because his stupid brain would keep bringing up images of him, distracting him from fully capturing the words in that sentence. It was simple really, it had been nice seeing him yesterday, and the boy also wanted to know if he wanted to hangout. That was of course, if he was to present himself still on a good day he bitterly thought, otherwise, he'd just break contact with him, dismiss on what he'd have to say on anything, and label him as butshit crazy like he had done with his own mother.  
He breathed in and out a few times, before typing his response. He decided he'd be sociable acceptable.   
It had been nice to see him too; so nice he couldn't forget about it, that sigh coming back to mind every now and then making him shut his eyes in order to mitigate the sorrow.   
He then realized it had all been too quick; you shouldn't just fall like that on your own.  
He had pushed him into it. It was all his fault; propiciating it for the boy to notice him like he had just because he needed him to.   
He was sorry; for putting himself in the open to get his own heart broken, no grudge though, he could never hate the boy.   
And then he hit the send button, and dropped the phone on the table in front of him.  
He let his arm rest on the classroom desk surface, tapping his fingers on he corner of it, staring at his phone's black screen. Thinking he couldn't have been completely sincere, he didn't really believe any of it, it was just a lame excuse.   
Seeing him yesterday had been the best, he had broken his heart though, but he could still feel his lips too vividly, his heartbeat still echoed in this empty vessel his chest now held. How could things be too quick when you feel this way? Was it not valid? Was it an illusion? Who would do this to themselves? You would really have to be crazy. But still he was sorry. So sorry for losing him.   
He remained sitting there, tears burning on their way down his face.

______A Party Would Be Good  
He was surprised when Sonja told him Emma had invited them to the party. He thought she'd hated him. But she got along real well with Sonja and he guessed he was part of the packet.   
The sound of the music was good, seeing people and saying hi to people was good. It was all good, they didn't get to see his inner bruises. His body weight was pulling him down constantly, it was tiring, but he was there being able to pull it through.  
And then there was Sonja, she was so sweet to him.   
Her kisses made him sad somehow, he hoped it wouldn't show. Looking at her while she was talking, he wondered if she didn't notice. She knew him well, maybe she did and that's why she was so nice to him now after what had happened, she was being condescending almost, or so it felt. That explained her being so prone to forgive him no matter what. She probably thought he didn't know what he was doing, he didn't understand his feelings, he was just confused. But he wasn't, he was just hurt. She needed someone to depend on her, someone who made her feel important no matter what they did. He was confused about that, he wished he could tell her that, but it would be too hurtful. He wouldn't do that to her.   
He wasn't a mindless being, he was his own man, no matter how broken he could sometimes feel, he was still his own man. It was all so sad, it suddenly hit him, he was taking advantage of the care she put in him because he needed it now; and she was counting on him to need her so she could pretend she didn't know what he felt was real and it didn't include her. But that was just too much of a pathetic thing to think of themselves, they would just pretend it wasn't so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *🤭


	12. Walking Right By

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The walk" and canteen bit.

Seeing him after deciding he should stay away ached, he'd unknowingly rejected him. He didn't need people like him in his life, but that didn't make him long for him any less. After all he hadn't seen him for almost two weeks now, he couldn't even get himself to remember what had happened during those long, damned long ten last days. 

Going back to a safe although unsatisfying place wasn't bringing any comfort. She didn't deserve it either. And it would never cease to impress him how easily she would forgive him time after time. He was to thank her for that and most of all and as bad as it sounded for being a shoulder through all this. Even could feel she was well aware by now, she was not only accepting him back but also comforting him, helping him get through it. His compunction was markedly overshadowed by his bereavement. Still, as if more proof was needed of him being no good for neither of them, those fake apologies had made him feel guilty, which was increased by his selfishness for he could only feel tangible pain staying away from him. 

The moments the boy and Even spent together were haunting him, leaving nothing but a sense of emptiness. Aggravated now, after so many days of no seeing him, by sudden stomach nerves after watching him walk by through the schoolyard without even shedding a glance his way. He looked gloomy and irked, the prospect of it being due to his actions made Even miserable. He had never cared about someone so deeply as to depriving himself from contacting them disregarding his own well being, yet he still had managed to hurt him.  
He felt the impulse of sprinting to him get a hold of his arm and take him somewhere secluded to hold him so tight. And tell him how sorry he was for hurting him, if he had. And ask him to try to understand him and accept him as damaged as he was.   
Once the momentum was gone Even felt like crying. Defeated in his own mind at the lack of an imaginary response from the boy that would ease his pain. But he was not THAT crazy. At least he had that to be thankful for.

Oops, watch where you're walking dude! Is he ok? Yep, chuckles, his peevishness would never fail to amuse him. Relieving him if not for just a few seconds of the dreariness he was submerged in. Even found himself resenting the however brief and rough contact that imprudent student had with him. 

_______Plain Cheese Toast

At the cantina, Even needed a moment to put himself together when he almost bumped into the boy while going in. A novelty for him really, since he considered himself to be pretty confidant regarding other people especially his previous love interests. But of course, "he had never felt quite like this before"*. He was at a loss for words. Again, not his usual self. Damn, when one needed it the most! A "Hi" was all he could master. He felt his eyes eagerly tracing all the boy's features, fascinated by them.   
He looked unquestionably distant, but, what else could he expect? That had been a cold hi for sure. But he had slightly smiled after, when Even had joked about the condiment, he would have never in a million years believed would be a strong reminder of them. He had even pulled one of those, "I'm too shy", teasing of his, followed by that eye lifting glance thing the boy did every so often, which made him weak and brought him hope. Hope things would magically untangle maybe? Alleviating him, if only.   
The overall sensation being one of uneasiness filled with unspoken recriminations and heartfelt apologies.   
Even ventured into yet another pointless comment about how the addition of the seasoning was really unnecessary and uncalled for, since it had proven to somehow soothe the ragged edges of the situation. He would intently refrain from mentioning it only did in fact make sense to them, having it become a thing of theirs. He had it all already layered on his head, "but.." he was abruptly interrupted by the boy's sudden departure. Walking right past him, again.   
Did he even care? He hadn't sent a message back after he sent him that crappy "things are going too fast" nonsense. He had just accepted it no questions made. Even realized he was desperately trying to pour some of is of his own guilt on the boy, so he had at least something to blame him for, and it wouldn't all be his fault.  
Was he entitled to resent any of that?, probably not. The kid was no doormat and that made him like him even more if possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Out of time, quoting in third person, (which helps me light things up a bit, since this is hard for me) anyways!, it's all wrong! I shall fix it later 😉
> 
> Mmmhhh short, very short, especially for two clips. I will update I guess? Dunno, maybe, who cares? Right?


	13. His Doorstep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonas best advice, thank God!

The ultimatum text had stricken him out of his stupid-ass-self-imposed assignment to stay away from him. The drawings had been the prelude.   
Keeping an eye on him from a distance to slip a note and somewhat remain in contact was no longer an option, neither was it what he wanted. 

He had lost determination and could hardly understand himself for shutting him off. It did hurt and a lot when he had said those words, but it had also become clear to him that he was talking about his experience with his mother not about him for he simply didn't know, but still, it had made the future look dark in regards of what, at that moment foreshadowed nothing but rejection from the boys side.   
As the days painfully went by he started to realize he knew nothing about how things had gone on that matter. Little did he know about what the boy he missed so much had gone through to make him state such thing. "His life was better without mentally ill people around him", but, he was talking about his mother, it was a shield, a defence barrier he created to make things more tolerable, he could now understand that. And it was then when Even felt guilty for making things about him. He immediately felt a sting of regret in his stomach, he had ruined the best thing he had at the moment out of what he felt had been an act of sheer selfishness. And now the boy wouldn't shine for him as he used to, making his day brighter. He hadn't been able to shake him off his thoughts but he didn't seem to find the courage to reach out to him directly; especially after he had left him in the middle of saying something to lighten things up the other day at the cantina. 

Only he could get him to act on it. Regardless of the coldness of his text it was all it took for Even to run to him.

Again, ever since he had broken contact with the boy, he hadn't been able to take him off his mind. Involuntary reminders of the most random things; his gapped teeth and how he found them an irresistible trait; how he would blush all the time and look down, whenever he had a gesture towards him, even though he was aware of his own boldness, but still, it wouldn't cease to amaze him.

He had observed him for a long time before he decided to make a move and he knew he wasn't the shy kind, it was the way he reacted to him an him alone, it was their thing, and Even cherished it, making the boy his.  
And then he would finally look at him without averting his eyes, expecting him to kiss him or blissing him with his own kisses, making Even his.

So many things, that made him miss him so much, as stated on the last drawing he had slipped in his locker.   
Or the previous one he had left on his jacket during PE, which had gotten him a text from the boy the next day. He couldn't stop thinking about him and he didn't even want to anymore.  
On the way to his house, his mind would not stop flashing images of him; an imprint of his warmness when he was close to him, the slight touch of his lips and the impact it had on him, of how good it felt and how much he had been aching for it. Making Even a bit dizzy, they wouldn't let him concentrate to make an excuse or prepare something to say, he needed to say something, didn't he?   
He was relieved though, firstly for receiving that text, which meant the boy did at least care enough to ask him to stop if he was not to take him seriously; and then, there was the chance he felt the boy had given him of making things right, and he would. No more contemplating what could go wrong in order to prevent it, but just let it flow as he so much wanted it to.

Now getting closer to his doorstep he felt nervous, nauseated even.   
He was taking his time answering the door, the wait felt like torture. Was he still there? Was he taking a shower? What the hell was taking him so long? Was he doing it on purpose? He probably saw him through the window and wasn't going to answer the door. He felt a sting through his chest, he was scared.

-Blank-

He'd gone totally blank after the boy opened the door.   
His "hi" was still a cold one. But seeing him and having him saying at least that, was better than nothing at all.  
No teeth in sight for he was definitely not smiling, gosh they where so cute! Really? Now at this moment was he drifting for that train of thought? He discarded that one (1) brain cell that had taken his own multiple ones hostage, sent it all the way back through to the boys it belonged to* and kept acting cool. He was naturally good at it, so it was all he managed to do really, that didn't require any conscious actions. It was not like him to be at loss for words, he thought that was exclusive for him then, making it their thing also. 

He should probably say som-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *of parallels ❤


End file.
